Confession

It has been a year! I can't believe it has been an entire year! We have enjoyed being here, no second thoughts. There is no doubt this is where God wants us.

I have always said that taking in these kids is not hard, it's letting them go that is a killer. Before moving to Lubbock, we had 9 children come through our home in less than a year. Now, 6 of our kids have been with us for a year or more...this has changed my view of what is harder.

I have a few blogs I read almost everyday. One is written by a young lady whose family (husband, wife and 4 kids) moved to Haiti just one month ago. As she tells about the conditions there and how she is learning to deal with it, included are accounts of her daily struggle to accept what God has for her family.

All of that said, my world seemed to come crashing down last week. As I delt with yet another case of stealing, refusing to mind and that defiant look from my 8 yr old...it hit me, it has been a year and these habits have not changed! These kids are going to grow up to be their parents! All of the work, all of the "ministry" we have been doing and it hasn't made any difference!

I became so upset, Morgan told Albert I was about to lose it. All I could think was, "Why? What's the point?" This is so hard. Kids that are not babies, who come from generational poverty and are so very needy! I know God has us here but we aren't making any difference!

Really long story short...I spent a few days struggling with this new reality, new realization of my calling. But today, God has renewed my love for hurting children. I knew a year or more before we moved that God wanted me to quit work and begin working with orphans full time. At the time my vision was so short sighted, all I could think of was a position through our church, aren't you glad that God is much more creative than we are?

The next time you hear Bring the Rain, by Mercy Me...don't sing, just listen to this chorus and decide if you truly want him to bring the rain!

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings you glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise you

Jesus, bring the rain